40-ish                      48
Adventurer                  Has had more partners than you ever will
Affectionate                Possessive
Artist                      Unreliable
Average looking             You figure this one out
Beautiful                   Pathological liar
Commitment-minded           Pick out curtains, now!
Communication important     Just try to get a word in edgewise
Contagious Smile            Bring your penicillin
Educated                    College dropout
Emotionally Secure          Medicated
Employed                    Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home
Enjoys art and opera        Snob
Enjoys Nature               Bring your own granola
Exotic Beauty               Would frighten a Martian
Feminist                    A Ball buster
Financially Secure          One paycheck from the street
Free spirit                 Substance abuser
Friendship first            Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun                         Annoying
Gentle                      Comatose
Good Listener               Hard to pull a word from her
Humorous                    Caustic
Intuitive                   Your opinion doesn't count
In Transition               Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills
Light drinker               Lush
Looks younger               If viewed from far away in bad light
Loves Travel                If you're paying
Loves Animals               Cat lady
Mature                      Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in            bed, like last boyfriend did
New-Age                     All body hair, all the time
Non-traditional             Ex-husband lives in the basement
Old-fashioned               Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded                 Desperate
Outgoing                    Loud
Passionate                  Loud
Poet                        Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional                Bitch
Redhead                     Shops on the Clairol aisle
Reliable                    Frumpy
Reubenesque                 You can figure this one out
Romantic                    Looks better by candle light
Self-employed               Jobless
Smart                       Insipid
Special                     Rode the small schoolbus w/ tinted windows
Spiritual                   Involved with a cult
Stable                      Boring
Tall, thin                  Anorexic
Tan                         Wrinkled
Weight proportional to      You can figure this one out as well
  height
Wants Soulmate              One step away from stalking
Widow                       Nagged first husband to death
Writer                      Pompous
Young at heart              How about the rest