A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:

CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
.... just not in that way.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:

I'M HUNGRY.
I'm hungry.

I'M SLEEPY.
I'm sleepy.

I'M TIRED.
I'm tired.

I'VE GOTTA PEE.
Get out of the way.

I'VE GOTTA GO.
Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.

CAN I CALL YOU SOMETIME?
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A MOVIE?
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER?
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

CAN I GET YOUR COAT?
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

LET ME GET YOUR DOOR.
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

NICE DRESS!
Nice cleavage!

YOU LOOK TENSE, LET ME GIVE YOU A MASSAGE. I want to fondle you!

WHAT'S WRONG?
I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.

WHAT'S WRONG?
What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

WHAT'S WRONG?
I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I'M BORED.
Do you want to have sex?

I LOVE YOU.
Can we have sex now?

I LOVE YOU, TOO.
OK, I said it. We'd better have sex now!

GOOD MORNING.
That was great sex. Let's have more!

SEE YOU LATER.
That was great sex. Let's have more!

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
I liked it better before.

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
$50 and it doesn't look that much different!

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!

LET'S TALK, HONEY.
I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.