Q: Why do men like love at first sight? A: It saves them a lot of time.

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man

of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.

Q: How can you tell soap operas are fictional? A: In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the farting before it starts.

Q: Why don't men have a mid-life crisis? A: They're stuck in adolescence.

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the Future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q: How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? A: All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't

work half the time.

Q: What do you call a man with half a brain? A: Gifted.

Q: Husband: Want a quickie?
A: Wife: As opposed to what?

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A: A man's undivided attention.

Q: What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman? A: A snowwoman is easier to make, because with a snowman you

have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.

Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? A: Castrated.

Q: How do you know if a man is lying?
A: His lips are moving!

Q: What's the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk!

Q: Why do men want to vote for a female President? A: Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.

Q: How many men would it take to mop a floor? A: No one knows; they've never done it.

Q: Why did God make men smell so bad??
A: So that blind women can hate them too.

An english professor wrote up on the board "woman without her man is nothing" And told his students to punctuate it. The males in the class wrote "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The Females wrote "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Q: Why are a PC and a man different?
A: The PC has a bigger hard drive.

Q: What does a man do with 365 used condoms? A: Melt 'em down and make them into a tire and call it a

Goodyear.

I still miss my ex-husband - but my aim is improving.

Q: Why do cowboys wear belts with their names on them? A: So that when they pull their heads out of their asses

they know who they are!