21 signs for a bad day

You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .

1. your twin sister forgets your birthday.
2. you wake up face down on the pavement.
3. you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
4. you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
5. you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
6. your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
7. your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
8. you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
9. you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
10. the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
11. you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a water bed.
12. your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
13. you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver saying that you're no longer funny
14. your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
15. you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"
16. your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test
17. you wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers
18. when someone accuses you of faking humor
19. your lover tells you, "I'm sub-letting another apartment and the movers are here to move me."
20. you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up
21. you need your chocoholic fix and the government just banned chocolate!