These are actually  things which people actually said in court, word for 
word. 

 Q: What is your date of birth?
 A: December 30th.
 Q: What year?
 A: Every year.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
 at all?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 A: I forget.
 Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
 that you've forgotten?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
 A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
 which.
 Q: How long has he lived with you?
 A: Forty-five years.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
 when he woke that morning?
 A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
 Q: And why did that upset you?
 A: My name is Susan.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: And where was the location of the accident?
 A: Approximately milepost 499.
 Q: And where is milepost 499?
 A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
 A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
 A: After the accident?
 Q: Before the accident.
 A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school
 for it.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
 in voodoo or the occult?
 A: We both do.
 Q: Voodoo?
 A: We do.
 Q: You do?
 A: Yes, voodoo.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your
 red and blue  lights flashing?
 A: Yes.
 Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of
 her car?
 A: Yes, sir.
 Q: What did she say?
 A: What disco am I at?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
 in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
 he?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: So the date of conception (of the baby)  was August
 8th?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And what were you doing at that time?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: She had three children, right?
 A: Yes.
 Q: How many were boys?
 A: None.
 Q: Were there any girls?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
 ----------------------------------------------
 Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
  A: By death.
 Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Can you describe the individual?
 A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
 Q: Was this a male, or a female?
 ----------------------------------------------
 Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
 deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
 A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
 dead people?
 A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
 did you go to?
 A: Oral.
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
 A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
 Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
 A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
 doing an autopsy.
 ---------------------------------------------
 Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 -----------------------------------------------
 Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
 check for a pulse?
 A: No.
 Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
 A: No.
 Q: Did you check for breathing?
 A: No.
 Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
 when you began  the autopsy?
 A: No.
 Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
 Q: But could the patient have still been  alive
 nevertheless?
 A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
 and practicing law somewhere.











Click Here to Return to Joke Index