Yo mama's so POOR:

she can't pay attention.
when I seen her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Moving."
when I ring the doorbell, she has to say, "DING!" burglars break into house so they can leave money. she can only afford the "Wel" on the "Welcome" mat. she waves around a popscicle stick and calls it air-conditioning. she's trying to get married so she can get the rice at the wedding. I asked her what was for dinner and she popped ME in the oven. your TV's got two channels: on and off. she eats cereal with a fork so she can save milk. when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers. they put her face on a foodstamp.
she used a tumbleweed for a Christmas tree. she hangs the toilet paper to dry.
I saw her trying to put a food stamp into a gumball machine. I saw her wrestle a squirrel for a peanut. you can't kill the roaches in your house, cause they pay half the rent.

Yo mama's so OLD:

she remembers the Grand Canyon when it was a ditch. you gotta call the fire department when you light her birthday candles. she's the only one who can get a senior citizens' discount at the old folks home.
her zip code is 00001.
her birth certificate was in Roman numerals. her social security number is zero-zero-one. I told her to act her own age and the bitch died. she's older than anything in the local antique store. the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment. when she ran track in high school, they timed her with a sundial. she got hired to baby-sit Cain and Abel. she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
she's got Jesus' pager number.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, she was on the other side fishin'. when she reads the bible she reminisces. she co-wrote one of the Ten Commandments. she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
her birth certificate says, "Expired!" on it. when you ask for her ID, she hands you a rock. she farts out dust.
she squirts powdered milk out her nipples. the milk in her tits is stale.
her tits are a 34-long.
I slapped her on the back and her tits fell off. when she gave birth, YOU came out with dentures. she knew the Garden of Eden when it was a plant. I found cave drawings of her.
she used a brontasaurus to get her drivers' license. Jurassic Park brought back memories.