One Liners

*Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

*Lysdexia: a peech imspediment we live to learn with...

*If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

*43.3% of statistics are meaningless!

*Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

*A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.

*It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit.

*Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?

• |||||||//////__ __ __ __ __ The domino effect at work.

*Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

*Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!

*Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.

*Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.

*The buck doesn't even slow down here!

*Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

*If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.

*Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!

*The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

*Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

*Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!

*Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

*Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.

*Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

*Don't worry: the answer's at the back of the book.

*We do precision guesswork.

*My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.

*'Oh what a tangled web we weave' - Hair Club for Men.

*A penny saved is a government oversight.

*Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark.

*Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.