What do you get when you cross L.S.D. with Birthcontrol Pills?

A trip without the kids.

Did you know Microsoft is coming out with a new computer?? Called the Presidential PC, it has a six inch hard drive, and absolutely no memory.

Q: What's 14" and hangs in front of an ass? A: Bill Clinton's Tie.

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"No," the blonde yelled back, "It's a scarf!"

Q: What did the doctor say to the prostitute?

1. Stay out of bed for two days

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

1. Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

The child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?" The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

How Come 2 Chinese People Can't Have A White Baby? Because 2 Wong's don't make a White

Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.

Guest: I'll make my own bed.

Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

Two blondes are walking down the street. One blonde finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!"

"Give it to me", says the other blonde. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you silly! It's me!!"