You know you're a REDNECK when:

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain. You have a rag for a gas cap and a hefty bag for a side window. When asked for I.D. you show them your belt buckle. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds. Your wife's hair-do was ever ruined by a ceiling fan. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle. Your father walks you to school because you're both in the same grade. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. You view your next family reunion as a chance to meet babes. Your house doesn't have curtains but your pick-up does. Your father encourages you to quit school because Uncle Larry has an opening at the "Lube Rack".
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed. Anyone in your family has ever worn a tube-top to a wedding. Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help him take off the wheels and skirt it.
You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper to be quality entertainment. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. Your front porch collapses and it kills more than three dogs. Your family tree doesn't fork.
You ever have to scratch your sister's name off the walls in restrooms in messages that say for a good time call... Directions to your house include the phrase Rturn off the paved road. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard. You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you're at bingo. You prominently display the gift you got at Graceland. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers. You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars. Jack Daniels makes your most admired list. You think that a Volvo is part of a woman's body. You have only one more hole to be punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.