40-ish                      52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Affectionate                Needy and looking for mother-figure
Artist                      Delicate ego badly in need of massage
Athletic                    Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking             Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back
Distinguished-looking       Too much grey
Educated                    Will always treat you like an idiot
Employed                    On management track at Radio Shack
Financially Secure          I will spend some money on you, in return for which            I will expect you to obey my every whim for the            duration of your mortal life.
Free Spirit                 Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first            As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun                         Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking                Arrogant bastard
Honest                      Pathological Liar
Huggable                    Overweight, more body hair than Gentle Ben
ISO Slim, attractive        Would be better off with a labrador retriever
  female
Light drinker               Headed for AA
Like to cuddle              Insecure, overly dependent
Like romantic walks on      I read Cosmo and think this is what you want to hear
  the beach
Mature                      Until you get to know him
Open-minded                 Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not            interested
Physically fit              I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring            myself
Poet                        Once wrote on a bathroom stall
Professional                Owns a white button down
Reliable                    Shows up on time--give or take 3 hours
Self-employed               Same as for women and eat nachos all weekend
Sensitive                   Needy
Smart                       Thinks Cheers is "the wittiest show ever on TV"
Spiritual                   Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter
Stable                      Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful                  Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Virile                      Can read 3 Penthouse Forums without passing out
Young at heart              Pedophile