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Why Men Can't Win
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt
and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious. If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. If Men Planned Weddings...
There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up.Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would
mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others"
part. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley! Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would
get punched in the head. Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between
innings. Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party.
The cost of strippers and liquor really do add up. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que. No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they would insist that
the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.
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