Why do only some men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
 
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
 
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
 
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling
your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
 
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
 
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a rugby game.
 
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
 
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
 
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you need a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
 
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
 
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
 
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
 
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to Instruction Manuals+ACI-.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
 
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
 
How many men does it take to change the toilet paper roll?
Nobody knows - it's never happened.
 
Why do men need instant re-plays on TV sports?
They forgot what happened 30 seconds ago.
Where can you find a man who is truly committed?
In a mental hospital.
How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?











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