GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
 
   Name: _______________ Stage name: ________________
 
   Agent: ______________ Attorney: __________________
 
   Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female__both__
 
   If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
 
   Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely
   operate a motor vehicle in any way?
   Yes___ No ___
 
   Please list brand and number of your cell phone: ________________
   (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)
 
   Please check hair color:
   Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
   Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
 
   Please indicate activities you perform while driving:
   (Check more than one if necessary)
   [ ] Eating
   [ ] Applying make-up
   [ ] Talking on the phone
   [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
   [ ] Having sex
   [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
   [ ] Tanning
   [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
   [ ] Watching TV
   [ ] Reading Variety magazine
   [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
 
   Please indicate how many times
 
   a) You expect to shoot at other drivers: _____
   b) How many times you expect to be shot at while driving:_____
 
   Please indicate your number of therapy sessions per week: ____
 
   Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
 
   a) Prozac
   b) Zovirax
   c) Lithium
   d) Zanax
   e) Valium
   If none, please explain: _______________________________
 
   What is the length of your daily commute?
   a) 1 hour
   b) 2 hours
   c) 3 hours
   d) 4 hours or more
 
   TEST (Please indicate the correct answer):
 
   If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
 
   a) Call the police to report the crime
   b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car
   on TV in a high-speed chase
   c) Call your attorney; discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
   company for your 911 call not going through
   d) Call your therapist
 
   In the event of an earthquake, you should:
 
   a) Stop your car
   b) Keep driving and hope for the best
   c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
   d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4
 
   In the event of rain, you should:
 
   a) Never drive over 5 MPH
   b) Drive twice as fast as usual
   c) You're not sure what "rain" is
 
   When stopped by police, you should:
 
   a) Pull over and have your license and insurance forms ready.
   b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405.
   c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack,
   ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
 
 
   Please turn your test in to the lady behind the bulletproof
   virtual window on your left.











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