THE 2000 DARWIN AWARDS
========================
(A posthumous award presented to individuals in recognition of their
significant contribution to the evolution of the human species by
removal of self from the gene pool)
   
Eighth Runner Up, (August 2000, Xerox)
A 28 year old Korean employed by the Xerox Corporation decided it
would be hilarious if he digitally scanned his penis and distributed to
the entire corporation. The small Korean had just finished up festivities at
the local bar and was quite intoxicated. Xerox had recently ordered 23
shredding  devices in an attempt to reduce/recycle the amount of paper that
they use.
The unsuspecting Korean pulled down his trousers, and drunkenly
hoisted himself onto what he thought was a copier. Thinking he was
pressing the scan button on a copier, he hit the shred button. He was found with his
scrotum stuck between blades the next morning, and had died from the loss of
blood.   
   
Seventh Runner Up, (15 July 1999, Alabama)
A 25-year-old man died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall,
precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His
plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guard-rail while expectorating, in order
to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried
him right over the guard-rail which he caught hold of for a few moments before
his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the cement below. The
Military Specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing his
judgement and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.
   
   
Sixth Runner Up, (11 August 1999 Germany)
A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while
driving  near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that
the man was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially
secluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had
apparently just donned his solar viewers, which are dark enough to totally obscure
everything except the sun.
   
   
Tie for Fifth Runner up Award (25 May 1999, Ukraine)
A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while fishing in the
River Tereblya. The 43 year-old man connected cables to the main power
supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock
killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded in to
collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered
the same fate as the fish. ...In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for a
morning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death.
   
   
Tie for Fifth Runner up Award (16 August 1999, Germany)
A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his own dog on Monday.
The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car in the Black
Forest. A gun barrel  was pointing out the window, and his bereaved dog was howling
inside the car. The animal is presumed to have pressed the trigger with its paw.
Police have ruled out foul play.   
Fourth Runner up Award (1999, Nicosia, Cyprus)
Under similar circumstances, an Iranian hunter was shot to death
near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the
reptile to the  ground.  Another hunter reported that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch
the snake alive by pressing the butt of his shotgun behind its head.
The snake coiled around the butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the
head.
 
   
   
Third Runner up Award goes to (August 1999, Australia)
Drinking oneself to death need not be a long lingering process.
Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his competitive spirit by
dying of competitive spirits. A Sydney, Australia hotel bar held a
drinking competition,known as Feral Friday, with a 100- minute time limit
and a sliding point scale ranging from 1 point for beer to 8 points for hard liquor.
Allan stood and cheered his winning total of 236 (winners never quit!), which
had also netted him the literally staggering blood alcohol level of 0.353,
7 times greater than Australia's legal driving limit of 0.05%.
 After several trips to the usual temple of overindulgence, the
bathroom, Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off, a
condition that became permanent. A forensic haematologist estimated that after downing
34 beers, 4 bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within 1 hour and 40
minutes, his blood alcohol level would have been 0.41 to 0.43, but Allan had vomited
several times after the drinking stopped. The cost paid by Allan was much
higher than  that of the hotel, which was fined the equivalent of $13,100 US
for not intervening. He didn't require any further embalming.
   
   
 Second Runner up Award goes to, (28 January 1999, London)
A flock of sheep charged a well-meaning British farmer's wife and
pushed her over a cliff to her death. Betty Stobbs, 67, was charged by
dozens of sheep as she brought them a bale of hay on the back of a power
bike. The sheep rushed forward and rammed the vehicle, knocking Betty and her bike
over the edge of a vacant 100' quarry near Durham, in north-eastern England. "I
saw the sheep surround the bike. The next thing she was tumbling down the
incline,"  neighbour Alan Renfry told reporters.
  
   
First Runner up Award goes to, (5 September 1999, Jerusalem)
The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation
among terrorist groups this year. At precisely 5:30 Israel time on
Sunday, two co-ordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three
terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices
had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look
revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions.Three days before, Israel had
made a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time in
order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians 
refused to "live on Zionist time."  Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. The bombs had 
been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings Time. The 
confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time. As a result, the cars were 
still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their 
well-deserved demise.
   
And the 2000 Darwin Award winner is..... (22 March 1999, Phnom
Penh)
Decades of armed strife have littered Cambodia with unexploded
munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the
devices.   Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging
insults at local cafe in the south-eastern province of Svay Rieng. Their
companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out a
25-year-old unexploded anti-tank mine found in his backyard. He tossed it
under the table, and the three men began playing Russian Roulette,each
tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other
villagers fled in terror. Minutes later, the explosive detonated
with a tremendous boom, killing the three men in the bar. "There were no remains"
Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper reported.











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