"Mom, I'm pregnant."

"How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?"

"That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest."

"Sex education has its own special problems," an instructor in the field pointed out to me. "One of my students has become pregnant, and I don't know whether to flunk her or give her extra credit."

I overheard a freind telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?", the pal asks.

"Waiting for me to get home."

Two guys had been drinking together for some time. Finally, one said he was going to take a leak. So, he staggers off to the boys room. Shortly, he returns and his drinking buddy notices the front of his pants were wet. He says, "I thought you were going to go and take a leak!" The other said "I did! I pulled it out, saw TWO of them and put the little one back."

Q: Did you hear about the flasher who was going to retire at the end of '98?

1. He decided to stick it out for one more year.......

• Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."