-Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it
was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and
Chanukah will merge.  An industry source said that the deal had been in
the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the
overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
we're  told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality
service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is
being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and
maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the
agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be
replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the
message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff
happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use
Santa Claus and his  vast merchandising resources for buying and
delivering their gifts.  In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the
agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether
Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having
eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos
were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
A spokesman for  Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of
Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well.  He merely pointed out that,
were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger
between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair
cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said,
Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.
He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing
rendition of "Oy, Come All  Ye Faithful."