The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes Volume IV

301. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?

1. Two brunettes.
2. Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
3. They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday. Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
4. He knows who the ten men were.
5. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
6. To see what was on the other side.
7. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
8. Too many blondes were drowning.
9. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
10. They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
11. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
12. From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
13. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
14. In case she locks the keys in her car.
15. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
16. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
17. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
18. Because she loved children.
19. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,

    who would die first?

20. The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
21. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
22. Grade 4.
23. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? A: Third Grade. 313. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
24. A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it. 314. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
25. 144 blondes. 315. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
26. Because at 69 they blow a rod... 316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
27. They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters. 317. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
28. A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub. 318. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
29. They both drip when they're fucked. 319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:

    "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"

30. Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry! 320. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
31. It swells at night. 321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.

    She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

32. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" 322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should

    cut it in six or twelve pieces.

33. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." 323. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
34. Locking the car door. 324. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
35. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat. 325. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents

    occur around the home?

36. She moved. 326. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
37. A blonde parade. 327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
38. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. 328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her

    husband's car?

39. She burned her lips on the tailpipe. 329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.

    She told me she didn't know how to cook them. 330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In

    the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street. 331. Did you hear about the blonde who:

    1 had more on her body than on her mind? 2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? 3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice? 4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? 5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient? 6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs? 8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? 9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?

    10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

    11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? 12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam? 332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the

    arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!" 333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal

    checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?" "He was on top ", she replyed. "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?"..... 334. Blondes...

    They take a lickin', and keep on... Lickin! 335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"

    referred to her ears? 336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up. 337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out

    at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!" 338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His

    boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on." 339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display

    and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms." 340. Another blonde in the porno shop: She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"

    He answers, "$35." She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one

    before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?" He: "$35." She: "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white

    one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've

    never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was

    gone?" To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white

    dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!" 341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde

    he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, herealizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those." 342. Blonde Medical Terminology

    Anally -- occurring yearly Artery -- study of paintings Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarian section -- district in Rome Cat scan -- searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- sheep dog Coma -- a punctuation mark Congenital -- friendly D&C -- where Washington is Diarrhea -- journal of daily events Dilate -- to live long Enema -- not a friend Fester -- quicker Fibula -- a small lie Genital -- non-Jewish G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game Grippe -- suitcase Hangnail -- coathook Impotent -- distinguished, well known Intense pain -- torture in a teepee Labour pain -- got hurt at work Medical staff -- doctor's cane Morbid -- higher offer Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate Node -- was aware of Outpatient -- person who had fainted Pap smear -- fatherhood test Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis Post operative -- letter carrier Protein -- favouring young people Rectum -- damn near killed 'em Recovery room -- place to do upholstery Rheumatic -- amorous Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf Secretion -- hiding anything Seizure -- Roman emperor Serology -- study of knighthood Tablet -- small tablet Terminal illness -- sickness at airport Tibia -- country in North Africa Tumour -- an extra pair Urine -- opposite of you're out Varicose -- located nearby Vein -- conceited 343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?

    1. Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. 344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
    2. Blow in her ear. 345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
    3. To keep her ankles warm. A2: To keep her neck warm 346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
    4. Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette. 347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
    5. Way to go team! 348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
    6. By the chipped tooth. 349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
    7. (I'll tell you tomorrow.) 350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
    8. To keep from bruising their ears. 352. Why does a blonds bra say T.G.I.F?

       Tits go in first. 352. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?

       1. So guys will talk to them at parties. 353. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
    9. Rebel without a clue. 354. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
    10. Full. 355. Imitation of a blonde refuelling..

        (Flap hand, blowing air into ears) 356. Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES?

        1. It hurts too much when they boil their nipples. 357. Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
40. "No, I just lie there." 358. Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
    1. "Thanks, guys..." 359. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL 10 BLONDES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL?
41. AIR POCKETs. 360. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
    1. They're too hard to peel. 361 Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute

       and her four blonde friends?

    2. Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks. 362. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain

       surgery on a blonde?

    3. "Space. The final frontier......"
    4. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
    5. Just One... Boomer Esiason. 364. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
    6. A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. 365. Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
    7. You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms. 366. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
    8. So she could keep the refriderator cold. 367. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto

       Maple Leafs?

    9. She fell out of the tree. 368 Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
    10. A thought.
    11. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
    12. One. 370. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
    13. She didn't know what ONE came first... 371 Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?

        A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers. A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full. 372 Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

    14. Divorced. 373 Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
    15. Divorced. 374. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that

        her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,

        "How do you give shoulders?" 375. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage? Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week. Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out. 376. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the

        blow dryer! 377. Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp? A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way. 378 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde? A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night. 379. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"

    16. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections? A: A wine and cheese party! 381. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ? A: She wasn't used to the front seat! 382. (Visual Joke) Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions) 383. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A: She picks up her purse and goes home. 384. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. 385. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. 386. Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde

        and a Schwinn at the side of the road? A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . . 387. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.? Blonde: I don't know. Why? Teller: It was easier to spell. Blonde: Easier than what? 388. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?

42. She liked kids... 389 Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin 390 Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna. 391 Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. 392 A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever. 393 Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! 394 Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. 396 A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?" 397. Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes. 398 Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that "Scheherezade" was

    composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ? A: "Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?" 399. Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.? A: Nail polish! 400. Q: What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant? A: Take her to the petting zoo. 401. Q: How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof? A: Tell her that the drinks are on the house 402. Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. 403. Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A: A vacant posession. 404. Q: What did the blonde's dentist find? A: Teeth in the cavity. 405. Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her

    ears? A: She's trying to hold on to a thought. 406. Q: WHat does a car fatality and a blonde have in common? A: Put either in a car and their fucked. 407. Q: What is a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: A padded dash. 408. Q: Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens? A: They couldn't find their eraser. 409. Q: What is the most difficult thing to teach a blonde? A: To count to twenty-eight. (Cycle of a period). 410. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like hell...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. 411. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: She wanted to see the geese because she heard honking! 412. Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was. 413. A blonde working in a office is constantly being kidded about how dumb she is; so one evening she goes home and studies a map of the United States. The next day she goes into the office and announces that she knows all 50 states and their capitols. One of her office mates says, "OK, whats the capitol of Wyoming?" and the blonde replies, "W." 414. Q: How do you know whether or not the blonde you slept with last night gave you a good blow-job?

    1. The sheets are sucked up your ass. 415. Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
       1. Because it said 'concentrate'. 416. Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke

          List.