I did not do it in a car        I did not do it in a bar        I did not do it in the dark        I did not do it in the park        I did not do it on a date        I did not ever fornicate        I did not do it at a dance        I did not do it in her pants        I did not get beyond first base        I did not do it in her face        I never did it in a bed        If you think that, you've been misled        I did not do it with a groan        I did not do it on the phone        I did not cause her dress to stain        I never boinked Saddam Hussein        I did not do it with a whip        I never fondled Linda Tripp        I never acted really silly        With volunteers like Kathleen Willey        There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher        I chased her 'round,        but could not catch her        No kinky stuff, not on your life        I wouldn't, even with my wife        And Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes        Was paid for by my right-wing foes        And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers        Are just a bunch of party poopers        I did not ask my friends to lie        I did not hang them out to dry        I did not do it last November        But if I did, I don't remember        I did not do it in the hall        I could have, but I don't recall        I never did it in my study        I never did it with my dog, Buddy        I never did it to Sox, the cat        I might have-once-with Arafat        I never did it in a hurry        I never groped Ms. Betty Currie        There was no sex at Arlington        There was no sex on Air Force One       I might have copped a little feel        And then endeavored to conceal        But never did these things so lewd        At least, not ever in the nude        These things to which I have confessed        They do not count, if we stayed dressed        It never happened with cigar        I never dated Mrs. Starr        I did not know this little sin        Would be retold on CNN        I broke some rules my Mama taught me        I tried to hide, but now you've caught me        But I implore, I do beseech        Do not condemn, do not impeach        I might have got a little tail        But never, never did inhale.