What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?

--When we want some dick in the White House, we just vote.

To which preacher did Bill go for advice? --Oral Roberts

What does Clinton like more that roses on his piano? --Tulips on his organ.

What did Clinton say when Monica called him a creep? --"I'll thank you to

keep a civil tongue on my head!"

If Monica was a bird, what kind would she be? --A swallow.

What does Hillary do after shaving her pussy? --Dresses him up and sends him

to work

Bill's nickname for Hillary is, "My little buttercup"

--His nickname for Monica? "My little suctioncup"

How do you get on Bill's good side? --Suck up!

Why can't Monica become a spy? --Because she spits everything out when the

debriefing's done.

Why did Bill stop playing the saxophone? --It was out of tune when Monica started playing his organ.

Did you hear that Clinton has broken the 11th. commandment? "Thou shalt not place thy rod in thy staff"

Hilary found out she was pregnant. She was so infuriated that she went straight
to the nearest phone and called the Oval Office. When Bill answered, Hilary said, "You rotten jerk, you got me pregnant!" There was silence on the other end
of the line, which infuriated Hilary even further. "You rotten jerk", she screamed. "You got mepregnant!!" Bill replied, "Uh...who is this?"

Bill Clinton has been testing a new product by the makers of the Clapper: Clap once and your pants drop to your knees. Clap twice and they return to their normal position.

>From Jay Leno:

What do O.J. and Monica have in common?

1. They're both in a scandal.
2. They both have aching knees.
3. They both have unexplainable stains on their clothing.

What did Bill say when asked about Monica? -- "She brings up the best

subjects"

What's the worst thing Bill ever heard during sex? --"Honey, I'm home!!"

The difference between Bill and his dog Buddy is that Buddy chases his own tail.

Asked what she thought of Bill's "State of the Union" address, Monica replied, "I'll give it two legs up!"

When Bill walks into a room, the band plays "Tail to the Chief".

Did you hear that Bill is supporting a new math curriculum in our nation's schools? --He wants everyone to know that 50 can go into 21 without getting five to ten.

How will Clinton build his bridge to the 21st century? --Apparently while part of a federal prison work release program.

Bill says that Monica was at the White House to visit his personal secretary. --Hey, if that's what he wants to call it!

What does Bill tell Hillary after sex? --Nothing, she hears about it on the evening news!

Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's appearance. --"She's got the whitest teeth I've ever cum across!"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"President Bill Clinton"
"President Bill CLinton who?"
"That's right Monica. NOW you can give your

testimony."

Today, the White House released the following statement:

• "All President Clinton did was to offer Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky jobs. There is no hard evidence of any wrongdoing and it will never stand up in court. The thing has been blown out of all proportion and the sooner we can straighten it out, the better."