ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case
Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus? Stud tires out
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over Soviet virgin lands short of goal again British left waffles on Falkland Islands Eye drops off shelf
Teacher strikes idle kids
Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead Squad helps dog bite victim
Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66 Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Plane too close to ground, crash probe told Miners refuse to work after death
Juvenile court to try shooting defendant Stolen painting found by tree
Two soviet ships collide, one dies
2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years Never withhold herpes infection from loved one Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84
War dims hope for peace
If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while Cold wave linked to temperatures
Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide