Did you hear about Calvin Klein's jeans for gays?

-They have knee pads in the front and a zipper in the back.

WHY DO FARTS SMELL? so deaf people can appreciate them too

WHAT DID THE POLOCK DO BEFORE GOING TO THE COCK FIGHT?

he greased his zipper

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIGHT AND HARD?

you can sleep with a light on

WHAT'S THE GERMAN WORD FOR VASELINE?

vienerslide

WHAT'S THE GERMAN WORD FOR VIRGIN?

goodentite

WHAT ARE 3 TWO LETTER WORDS THAT MEAN SHORT?

is it in?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GAY RODEO AND A STRAIGHT RODEO?

at a straight rodeo they yell ride that sucker.

WHAT DO THEY CALL SYPHILIS IN RUSSIA?

Rotyacrotchoff

WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF COWBOY FOREPLAY?

get in the truck, bitch.

WHAT DO YOU CALL KIDS BORN IN WHOREHOUSES?

brothel sprouts.

How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't...there's a clock on the oven!

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

What do you do when your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you?
You make the chain shorter.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told!

Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen???

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be hard.
In my case, it was almost impossible.

Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

Husband: Put your coat on love, I'm going to the bar. Wife: Are you taking me out for a drink? Husband: Don't be silly woman, I'm turning the heat off...

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 monthsI don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract.

Most accidents happen at home.
And the men have to eat them!

Some mornings I wake up grouchy...
and some mornings I just let her sleep!

What do you call a woman who has lost her mind? A widow.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - A Life Sentence!!

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

Q. What is the best thing about having Alzheimers? A. Sex is like the first time every time

How do you stop a dog from humpin' your leg???

Pick him up and suck his dick!